Lady Gaga

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

You poke her face.

Baseball

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Cannibals

A cannibal arrived late to a feast, so he got the cold shoulder.

Phobias

I went to the library to check out a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help.

Mole Hill

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill, the moles find that particularly unhelpful.

Fortune Cookies

Word to the wise... and also you... don't give advice to fortune cookies, they don't like that.