Safety Issues

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???.....)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; "I'm sorry, your duck (Cuddles) has passed away." The distressed woman wailed; "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead." replied the vet. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.

The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said; "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried; "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!?" The vet shrugged; "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but... with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

10 Types of People

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

An Apple a Day

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

Daily Dude One Year Anniversary

It's the Daily Dude one year anniversary so to celebrate here's a joke!

A man was talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding anniversary. The friend asked, “What did you do for your 25th?”

He said, “I took my wife to Hawaii.”

The friend then asked, “What are you thinking about for your 50th?”                                                                                

He said, “Well I was thinking of bringing her back.”

Not Eating Right

A man entered his doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana stuck in his right ear. "Doc," he asked, "What's wrong with me?" "Simple," replied the doctor, "You aren't eating right."

Four Engineers

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down. 
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." 
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." 
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." 
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" 
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."