The blonde handyman

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Blonde snowmen

Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman?

You have to hollow out the head first.

To write with a broken pencil

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The genie and the alcoholic

This man walks into a bar and sees this lamp on the counter. He decides to rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You have freed my from that lamp, now you may have three wishes." The man thinks about it then says, "I wish for a bottle of beer that when I drink it, it will fill back up." The genie grants his wish and the man takes a drink fom the bottle and once he'd finished, the beer filled right back up. The genie said, "You still gave two more wishes." The man said, "Heck, I'll take two more like these!"

Three-year-olds

The police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Badum Che.

String in a bar

A piece of string walked into a bar and said "Gimme a beer!" but the bartender said "Get outta here! We don't serve your kind here!" So the string left, but he was thirsty, and he really wanted a beer, so he messed up his hair real badly and looped himself around until he had tied himself into a knot. When the string went back into the bar, the bartender looked at him suspiciously and said "Aren't you that worthless piece of string I just threw outta here?" No, the string replied, "I'm a frayed knot!"

Fish

What to you call a fish with no I's? A fsh