Saturday, April 27, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Helicopter Pilot
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Weaknesses
Interviewer: So, what would you consider your weaknesses?
Guy: My honesty
Interviewer: I don't think that's a weakness.
Guy: I don't give a crap what you think!
Guy: My honesty
Interviewer: I don't think that's a weakness.
Guy: I don't give a crap what you think!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Video Games
Contrary to popular belief, video games won't make you a mass murderer. Except maybe the wii... That crap is dangerous
Thursday, February 28, 2013
His Pen
Paddy says to Mick
"I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies "Don't know, give it here"
He then tries it and says "Yes it is"
Paddy asks "How do you know?"
Mick replies, "That's my handwriting"
"I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies "Don't know, give it here"
He then tries it and says "Yes it is"
Paddy asks "How do you know?"
Mick replies, "That's my handwriting"
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Something to Think About
If I ate myself would I be twice as big or completely disappear?
Something to think about
Something to think about
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Science Talk
The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper anywhere!
"It has long been known" = I didn't look up the original reference.
"A definite trend is evident" = These data are practically meaningless.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" = The other results didn't make any sense.
"Typical results are shown" = This is the prettiest graph.
"These results will be in a subsequent report" = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"In my experience" = once.
"In case after case" = twice.
"In a series of cases" = thrice.
"It is believed that" = I think.
"It is generally believed that" = A couple of others think so, too.
"Correct within an order of magnitude" = Wrong.
"According to statistical analysis" = Rumor has it.
"A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings" = A wild guess.
"A careful analysis of obtainable data" = Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"= I don't understand it.
"After additional study by my colleagues"= They don't understand it either.
"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" = Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A highly significant area for exploratory study" = A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" = I quit.
"It has long been known" = I didn't look up the original reference.
"A definite trend is evident" = These data are practically meaningless.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" = The other results didn't make any sense.
"Typical results are shown" = This is the prettiest graph.
"These results will be in a subsequent report" = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"In my experience" = once.
"In case after case" = twice.
"In a series of cases" = thrice.
"It is believed that" = I think.
"It is generally believed that" = A couple of others think so, too.
"Correct within an order of magnitude" = Wrong.
"According to statistical analysis" = Rumor has it.
"A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings" = A wild guess.
"A careful analysis of obtainable data" = Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"= I don't understand it.
"After additional study by my colleagues"= They don't understand it either.
"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" = Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A highly significant area for exploratory study" = A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" = I quit.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
A Fine Line
There seems to be a fine line between being flirty and being creepy, and it's defined by how attractive you are
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Bad Puns: Brake Fluid
I'm addicted to brake fluid, but it's ok. I can stop anytime.
(I'm sorry if this bad pun caused any mental or physical harm)
(I'm sorry if this bad pun caused any mental or physical harm)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Wise Gandalf
Some believe that it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I've found. I found it is the small things. Everyday deeds by ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Nokia, No Wall
I saw a guy get really angry and throw his Nokia at a wall. It shattered into a million pieces. The phone's ok though
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)